i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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