I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
