I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
