My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
