He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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