You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
