It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
