We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
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Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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