Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
