And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
