watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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