just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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