Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
