you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize