that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
