Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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