We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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