Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
