Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
