I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
