4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
