this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
