ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
