Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
