I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
