You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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