I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
