I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
