i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
