I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
