babies were throwing up all over the place
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
