And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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