How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
