i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
