the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
