as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
