i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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