the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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