They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
