the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
