I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
