You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
where are you?
Hypothermia
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
