I love black thongs
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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