nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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