I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
