Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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