when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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