I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
