There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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