Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
