come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
