If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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