well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
