Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
