WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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