I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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