he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
