Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize