I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
