we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
