mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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