I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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