i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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