I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
