porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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