Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
