I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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