I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
