You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
