If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
