Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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