i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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