He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
