He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
