He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
