K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
