did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
