my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
