Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
