I just saw a hot homeless man
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
