oh god the rape fog is back!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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