My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
