Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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