so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
