it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
