guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
