Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
